Who the hell is wifey????

Ok..i'm burnt!! where is the love now? I really thot people missed me *weeps silently and cutely*...anyway because i'm nice like that..ill just give u the wifey gist like that..if u dint read my last post, go and quickly read it now so you can get the gist.

*short break while the dulling people go and read the last post*

ehen..so u get now abi??

So this faithful day. It was a wednesday. I decided to go to my friends house (because the guy was there obviously)..ok lets clarify a few things..the guy i like-lets call him tunji..and the friends house i went to lets call him-Seth (what kind of name is that??)...Anyway..i went to Seth's house because Tunji was there. oooo..now that some people know who i am i have to edit the gist. Anyway..Tunji was looking as fine as usual..i was happy because i went with one of my girlfriends. She had seen his picture on fcbk before and she was like 'um..he's alright'..(which secretely means 'what the hell do you see in him???)...but now she was drooling..hiss!..but i digress..

Anyway..Tunji is lying on this chair and i go and sit next to him. His eyes are closed because he's forming 'stressed out'..so i pick his phone off his stomach and start pressing buttons. Now this is strange..i am NOT a nosy person (i think im too self absorbed to be nosy)..anyway next thing i know im in hos call list. Last dialled number-wifey!!

YEPA!! I dropped the phone like expired milk. WIFEY??? Its not like we were together or anything..but if there was a 'wifey' i didnt know about then i must have been really stupid. Anyway i got up..he picked his phone up..looked through it and put it in his pocket (an obvious sign of guilt)..I felt like dying!! i called my best friend..she said i was overreacting..like wifey could be anyone..but hes just not that kind of person!! (the kind of person that would put a friend as wifey)..I deleted his number(lol..primary skool stuvs)

As if that wasnt enough..we had planned to meet up on thursday (remember it was wednesday)..he now asked..

Tunji-what are you doing tomorrow?
me-seeing you
Tunji-what about now???
(yepa!!)
me-okay then..i dont know what i'm doing tomorrow.
Tunji-no no..its just that seth is coming to my house (On our day???!)..but you should come..yeah come
me- i dont really like threesomes
Tunji-(laughing)..im getting you

Now my resolve was strenghthened...i was NEVER talking to him again!!..um..until the next day..lol..Seth came to pick me and we went to his house..long story short sha..wifey turned out to be *drumroll please* HIS MUM!! lol..

kai..i can write a book about all this Tunji boy!!

Anyway..as soon as i figure out how to do it..im going private!! Actually i might just change my URL thingi..i dont know yet sha..so heads up and all!!

xx

Who is she to you???

I'M BAAAAACK!!!! WHO MISSED ME????

lol..i've been sooo lazy!! Too lazy to blog..i'm sorry guys!! I love D'banj's 'fall in love'..the song is crazy sick cool!! I LOOOVE it!!! Anyhow what has been happening to me??

First of all i need to understand what 14 yr old boys are allowed to do. The day my brother called me from his friends house to say he was taking a cab home, i screamed at him to wait for me to make alternative arrangements! As in it was soooo scary!! lol..i know i'm being a little dramatic here...but seriously..like we live two streets away from our cousin. Now you can go two ways. 'Agbero central' or 'Mallam central'. Now agbero central is a cleaner street but i prefer to go via mallam central, jumping over puddles and begging chickens to let me pass. Why?? because errr..mallams are safer than agberos!! Now one dark night..(like 7.30 ish)..my brother wanted to go and see my cousin. My mum tells him to go himself knowing fully well that the only available route was agbero central!! As in if you see the evil eye i gave her ehn! She sha wants to kill the boy!! ah ah

Anyhoo...i havent gone down the holiday romance route...why? because i was /am hung up on this stupid boy. Now i know he doesnt like me..i wasnt sure before..but i guess thats what this summer was for..to know for sure. Now i planned to write a list of things he has done to show this..to help other girls..lol..but i honestly cannot remember.so..ill think about it and get back to it!!

oh! the other day i called the said guy. some babe picked it up
'um..hello..can you call him back, hes driving'

yay!my life...for those that dont understand the implication of this..go and find out!! lol..turns out it was his sister..hiss..lol

Then the next day..im just randomly pressing buttons on his phone..call log..recieved calls-wifey! um..say what??? this is why you should never be nosy!!! i wanted to die(cos it obvioulsy wasnt me)...lol..but being the smart girl that i am...i found out who it was..but more about that later

toodles!

xx

Welcome to NIGERIA

Ok. For clarity sake on my last post..Sule was the ex. Now to this post..

Wow..now before anyone gives me any speech about me fronting..i'm not fronting..i came back to nig last year..so i should remember how everything is right? wrong!! It's funny how your memory can play tricks on you and you remember all the good bits..hpw u meet hot guys..and how NEPA taking light is a time to bond..and how traffic is really just the same as London..and how you always have money..infact..total rubbish!!

First of all..the ATM's in the airport kindly told me that solo cards werent the way to go..so i arrived in Nig with 20 quid. Ok now? no biggie..money will flow shey? Get home..theres light..ah ah..i said it! nig is bunz..ok..buy sim card..hmm..aunty puts credit inside..this is what i'm talking about..ok..friends call..they come over..'WE MISSED YOU..YOURE LOOKING TOO MAD...etc..ehn..mad!

Time to go out..and this is where it all starts to go wrong. Palms- nandos- they give you TWELVE chips!! no joke..12!! fair enough..ermm..lets go to shoprite..berry chill here nau..ur just coming from sainsburys..what are you going to shoprite for?? ok..i chilled. Sha at night at the end of everything..we are coming back from my grandmas hse..people are running! hausa men that swear by jazz are running!! ehn..my mum starts to reverse..she's too confused.open car door..'oya everybody RUN'...lol..we fly out of the car..everyone starts running!! no one even holds my little cousins hand..every man for himself..we're running..my brother is like 'see temi' (my childhood friend-the babe too was running)..me i'm like 'this guy forget Temi..just RUN"...kai..im unfit sha..my chest almost collapsed after that run!

We came home-no light. Great! yesterday was in traffic for FOUR hrs!! I now sleep at 9 o clock because the days are so tiring!! I always feel grimy and dirty! my 'cleanse, tone, mosturise' routine has now become..'cleanse, tone'..because trust me..mosturiser aint making it to my skin!!

Anyway when all is said and done..gorra love nigeria..watch out for more details..btw..i think all the hot boys have dried up..but thats a whole other post..buttercup.i havent forgotten you o!!

xx

Untitled- The beginning to no end

I always thought a girl hitting on me would be the ultimate compliment. Now, standing in the bathroom and rebuffing the advances of a particularly mannish girl, i wasnt so sure. At first i thought i must be imagining it. The apprieciative once over (more like three times over)..i put it down as a girl checking out my outfit. No big deal. Now she was standing next to me whispering suggestive things in my ear. The bathroom is too small to move. I'm trying to ignore her. I can't leave. I can't leave because he's out there. I sigh. My throat hurts and i want to cry. I don't have enough strength to stop breathing in my ear, so i whisper a silent prayer that she leaves.

Sule. the name slipped into my mind and continued to repeat itself. Sule, Sule, Sule. I shook my head. Mannish girl took that as her cue to leave. i sighed a breath of relief. Sule. I remembered when i hated his name. The first time we were introduced, i sneered. It was one of those names i turned my nose down at, ranking with 'Shakirat'. I was cocooned in my British education, I loved to apprieciate all things Nigerian from a distance. He looked at me with disdain and i felt like he could see right through me. He made me feel ashamed. That day i knew that he would have me. He knew that after one glance, he controlled 'next'. I start to cry and i feel relief.

I cant go back out because he's here with his new girlfriend. He hasnt seen me. I know i look good. I havent risked going out once without looking my best since the incident. But im alone. I cant stand him pitying me. I dont know what to do. I reapply my lipstick and walk out of the bathroom.

A healthy suggestion to boys and girls!

So this is what after exam life is like-over rated! I'm lying here..reading blogs..and waiting for some final year people to check their results, so i can laugh with them..or be their shoulder to cry on!lol..everybody is dulling a little bit..with tin tin analyzing babes..*rolls eyes* and talking about brideprice...soupasexy is closing down her blog..Chari is a writer o! ah ah..the cheesy boy is writing casanove stories..nigerian drama queen..not updating..my dear minky is telling us to find the right guy!! Infact this after exam stuvs is long mehn..i can't wait to go to nig.

Me.lol..it's bad to delete numbers o. Yesterday someone whose number i only just deleted called me..I was in a happy mood!

me- hey hey
he-how r u doing..wats going on..blabla
me-im gud, chilling..etc
he-where r u
me- (thinking err..y is a stranger asking)..um..i actually dont know who this is
he-really
me-um..yeah
he-so did you just change your fone or did u delete my number
me-hmm..u dont sound like someone whose number i deleted
he-rite..anyway it's..
me-(at this point it clocked)
he-______
me-omg! err..yeah..it doesnt mean anything that i deleted it..i just thot i shouldnt talk to you for a while..etc
he-ok (laughing in that bad mind way)
me-im sorry..u know i still love u (blablablabull)
he-(laughs)
me-as long as u understand y i did it
he-i dont understand at all

gosh..basically..i had no good reason for deleting that number..it was just one of those days when i was just irritated..lol

Imagine if everyone stopped posting about guys. how they are tired of guys and how much smarter they are. And guys stopped posting about girls-how were all stupid and like make up sex..then how many blogs will really be left...

The truth is no matter how smart we think we are..we are only as smart as till we fall..then were screwed! so everyone can play as many mind games as they want..when you fall..thats it..i know people that are so sprung..but in front of their friends..they just appear 'cooly noncommitmal'..yeah right..please people always lie!!! I know people that forgive their boyfriend for cheating..they even beg him to come back..then they start acting like..'im too smart..i play with guys heads..i dont take crap'...im bored!!

heres a suggestion...boys and girls..stop talking so much..just be! Yes tintin..ur so smart..girls are stupid..yes vindi..u play on guys minds..etc..yes cocoa..ur not settling down, ur along for the ride..i enjoy the stories o..and i dont dispute the facts..but really!!! everyone knows what they feel..their just afraid to say it!

Chari..i love you!!

xx

Random Morning Confessions(blogger wont let me space)

In the spirit if tagged..i think ill write random things about myself. Quirks? me thinks not!

1. I love plane food-OK..love is an exaggeration..but i actually like it..business class, economy, local flights from Lagos to abuja..everything.lol! but..on the ground..i don't like to eat out..i actually hate nandos! (and i am not a grubby like minky!}

2. I love cold showers-i loathe hot showers. They make me sweat(while im still in there o)..why take a hot shower when you can take a delicious cold shower..well you can start hot..and end cold! ps-in the deep of winter..i take hot showers o!!

3. I walk in a straight line-my grandma always used to tell me that ladies are supposed to walk in a straight line, looking like there's a book on their head..yadiyadiya..and me being me..i practised..i walked on straight lines in heels..barefoot..outside..inside..and now that's just the way i walk!

4. i have like 3 diaries at any given time-there's always one in my bag, so i can write on the train..in church..etc..theres always one in my room..usually the most inconvenient to take anywhere..and there's usually a travelling one..a compromise between the two.

5. And..i have an exam tomorrow that i really have to read for!so..cold shower time!

x

Gorra Love Mcdonalds

Mcdonalds is a wrong place. So the other day i was there...(err..it was my cousin that wanted to eat..lol)...anyway..i was there sha..and the woman in front of me started placing her order. First of all she had a fake accent..(sorry igbo people..but she was igbo)...lol..blond hair..red lipstick..tight jeans and puffer jacket..waith pointed pointies!! i kid u not!!

woman- i want a large big mac meal..large fries..large drink..with a crunchie mcflurry and one apple pie...oh but pls make the coke a diet coke!! lol!!

then why the hell does mcd have salads?? its mcd for goodness sake...salad or no salad!!

Why..On EARTH would a child want CARROT STICKS INSTEAD OF fries?? just bcos they have roughly the same shape does NOT make them similar..err..orange..yellow?(wait..are fries yellow?)..but anyhoo..u get my drift sha..

thats how the other day i was going on a date. tight black jeans...white shirt...hipped in with a gorgeous leather belt..etc..scent..check..mad earrings..check..lipgloss popping..check..phone for missed calls?? ha-ha..my phone laughs..no missed call..sha guy comes..i climb into BMW..leather seats..asa playing..ah ah..this is tew mad o..'where are we going'...'its a surprise'...i smile like it's christmas day (wait..on christmas day y would i b smiling when i dont even get presents)..anyhow sha.. making small talk..'u look amazing'..before nko..we pull up to a building..it looks strangely familiar..he parks..turns off the ignition..i wait small..thinking he would open door for me..osho!! lol..the guy just waited by the car for me to come out...thats how i cleared the mucus from my eye and looked away!! yepa..mcdonalds!!..

...then i woke up from my dream!! God forbid..i scream!!..lol
x