its raining weirdos!!

I woke up with a start this morning and had an epiphany!
*berry to self*- U have to start blogging more regularly and you need to start finishing gist in ONE post!!

self- but its their fault..nobody reads the blog anymore..y should i care!

berry- maybe they r tired of coming to the page and seeing your one month old post..it gets annoying!

*sigh*

*long post alert*

So..hey!! Wow..all of a sudden..even if this 'dating' was an internal decision..it appears that someone took out an ad for me in some national newspaper because woah!..ive been meeting the weirdest people.

Ok..some of the weird people have nothing to do with dating self

bit of background info- when uni started..i took this job..working with international students during freshers week..u know..picking them from the airport and sorting them out during the week..all that sorta stuff!

1. So this was one of the days when i went to heathrow to pick up some students. I'm at work so obviously..my accent is totally different (as in really..only nigerians understand naija accent)..so im organising people into coaches and stuff and this guy just goes like..

guy- U look nigerian
me- i am

*guy bursts into laughter*

guy- oyiiiinbo!

me thinking 'WTF' ????

ME- pardon
guy- what did you just say..u said perdon..y are u sounding like that

*i stare at him blankly*

2. So im working inside uni this day..im at the door of the marquee..holding a clicker which is basically just to count the number of people that come into the marquee..this guy comes over (it doesnt help that i have a huge name tag with my nigerian name on it)..

guy- hello
me- *smiling* hiii
guy- so you are a nigerian
me- yeah *still smiling*
guy- so u were born here abi?
me- um..no.
guy- you can tell from my accent that i just came abi??

now let me just mention here that i have nothing against meeting nigerians..i just dont like
(a) the familiarity- were not automatic friends because were from the same country
(b) judging me- im sorry if i dont sound nigerian enough for you..it happens ok? get over it! and im at work..when im with my friends..i can be wateva i want to be..but at work..i neeed to let people understand me!!!

3. So im at home on my day off. My flatmate comes back laughing and excited..

flatmate- can u imagine what happened at work today?? this guy comes over to me and asks if i remember him..im looking at him blankly..then he says..oh its not u..im looking for the girl that was holding that clicking thing..i dressed up for her

*apparently he was wearing a suit!!*

so basically he asked quite a few people for me and everybody had a laugh about it..what the hell??

4. I'm at the marquee..this guy comes over..he's cute sha..

guy- im technically not an international student..because ive been here for a while..but i just thought i'd see what was happening here
me- where are u from
guy- ghana
me- some happy speech that im supposed to give..about how we can help and stuff
guy hangs around and makes conversation till i volunteer to go and work somewhere else.

later in the day guy comes back to look for me. hangs around till i finish work. walks with me part of the way home. we swap numbers. comes to look for me the next day..etc

third day- tells me how hes attracted to me (physically purely) and bla bla bla..riiite...(although i wont lie to u..for him to feel attracted to me in that horrible uniform!!!)

5. Remember bulgy muscle guy that i was telling you about in the last post?? kai! that guy has a way of making me RUUUUUUUUUN!!

guy- u have a great body..i have a great body..were going to make some beautiful babies

um...WTF??? how is it that great bodies= beautiful babies???

guy- berry, i want to be your boyfriend, i want you to be my girlfriend, i want you to be part of my family, i want you to meet my family, i want us to build our careeres together, i want us to buy a house together......

me - *starting blankly at my phone and wondering what ive done to deserve this*

what even made the speech crazier was that he was actually at a hse party and he went to his car to call me! i hoope he was drunk!! i really do!!

ok..thats all i can do today mehn!..ill dedicate my next post to the 'other guy' i mentioned at the end of my last post!!

xx

Foray into the tigers Den!

So i'm out with this guy. In the car, on the way back, he turns and asks 'are you wearing makeup?'..im like 'no'..i looked at him and in my mind i was thinking 'o boy-u know see that fat white thing wey dey my forhead?? Na pimple dem de call am!!'

But yeah- so im kind of dating again-this means going out on actual dates, not whatever other meaning there is of that word-and believe me it is not a sexy experience. But then sexy os a relative word because maybe this guy should be sexy- lets call him GB-gym body. Mehn this guy if 6 3'' and he has some kind of bulgy muscles-that too me is TOO MUCH!! kini?? I prefer my guys smaller-i dont mind the height-but all that muscle-neh..ill pass! whats more-hes older-not by much to be fair, 5yrs. But thats enough to put him in a different league, i.e, marriage weighs heavy on his mind and on my own mind?? not so much!! Not to be a bitch, he opens doors and pays, makes sure i get home safe (by dropping me there)-mehn na jand we dey o, guy go jus give you tube map and say bye bye, he doesnt mind that i dont say much and hes all smiles around me- *sigh*

So yeah-im dating again-and theres this other guy....

Who the hell is wifey????

Ok..i'm burnt!! where is the love now? I really thot people missed me *weeps silently and cutely*...anyway because i'm nice like that..ill just give u the wifey gist like that..if u dint read my last post, go and quickly read it now so you can get the gist.

*short break while the dulling people go and read the last post*

ehen..so u get now abi??

So this faithful day. It was a wednesday. I decided to go to my friends house (because the guy was there obviously)..ok lets clarify a few things..the guy i like-lets call him tunji..and the friends house i went to lets call him-Seth (what kind of name is that??)...Anyway..i went to Seth's house because Tunji was there. oooo..now that some people know who i am i have to edit the gist. Anyway..Tunji was looking as fine as usual..i was happy because i went with one of my girlfriends. She had seen his picture on fcbk before and she was like 'um..he's alright'..(which secretely means 'what the hell do you see in him???)...but now she was drooling..hiss!..but i digress..

Anyway..Tunji is lying on this chair and i go and sit next to him. His eyes are closed because he's forming 'stressed out'..so i pick his phone off his stomach and start pressing buttons. Now this is strange..i am NOT a nosy person (i think im too self absorbed to be nosy)..anyway next thing i know im in hos call list. Last dialled number-wifey!!

YEPA!! I dropped the phone like expired milk. WIFEY??? Its not like we were together or anything..but if there was a 'wifey' i didnt know about then i must have been really stupid. Anyway i got up..he picked his phone up..looked through it and put it in his pocket (an obvious sign of guilt)..I felt like dying!! i called my best friend..she said i was overreacting..like wifey could be anyone..but hes just not that kind of person!! (the kind of person that would put a friend as wifey)..I deleted his number(lol..primary skool stuvs)

As if that wasnt enough..we had planned to meet up on thursday (remember it was wednesday)..he now asked..

Tunji-what are you doing tomorrow?
me-seeing you
Tunji-what about now???
(yepa!!)
me-okay then..i dont know what i'm doing tomorrow.
Tunji-no no..its just that seth is coming to my house (On our day???!)..but you should come..yeah come
me- i dont really like threesomes
Tunji-(laughing)..im getting you

Now my resolve was strenghthened...i was NEVER talking to him again!!..um..until the next day..lol..Seth came to pick me and we went to his house..long story short sha..wifey turned out to be *drumroll please* HIS MUM!! lol..

kai..i can write a book about all this Tunji boy!!

Anyway..as soon as i figure out how to do it..im going private!! Actually i might just change my URL thingi..i dont know yet sha..so heads up and all!!

xx

Who is she to you???

I'M BAAAAACK!!!! WHO MISSED ME????

lol..i've been sooo lazy!! Too lazy to blog..i'm sorry guys!! I love D'banj's 'fall in love'..the song is crazy sick cool!! I LOOOVE it!!! Anyhow what has been happening to me??

First of all i need to understand what 14 yr old boys are allowed to do. The day my brother called me from his friends house to say he was taking a cab home, i screamed at him to wait for me to make alternative arrangements! As in it was soooo scary!! lol..i know i'm being a little dramatic here...but seriously..like we live two streets away from our cousin. Now you can go two ways. 'Agbero central' or 'Mallam central'. Now agbero central is a cleaner street but i prefer to go via mallam central, jumping over puddles and begging chickens to let me pass. Why?? because errr..mallams are safer than agberos!! Now one dark night..(like 7.30 ish)..my brother wanted to go and see my cousin. My mum tells him to go himself knowing fully well that the only available route was agbero central!! As in if you see the evil eye i gave her ehn! She sha wants to kill the boy!! ah ah

Anyhoo...i havent gone down the holiday romance route...why? because i was /am hung up on this stupid boy. Now i know he doesnt like me..i wasnt sure before..but i guess thats what this summer was for..to know for sure. Now i planned to write a list of things he has done to show this..to help other girls..lol..but i honestly cannot remember.so..ill think about it and get back to it!!

oh! the other day i called the said guy. some babe picked it up
'um..hello..can you call him back, hes driving'

yay!my life...for those that dont understand the implication of this..go and find out!! lol..turns out it was his sister..hiss..lol

Then the next day..im just randomly pressing buttons on his phone..call log..recieved calls-wifey! um..say what??? this is why you should never be nosy!!! i wanted to die(cos it obvioulsy wasnt me)...lol..but being the smart girl that i am...i found out who it was..but more about that later

toodles!

xx

Welcome to NIGERIA

Ok. For clarity sake on my last post..Sule was the ex. Now to this post..

Wow..now before anyone gives me any speech about me fronting..i'm not fronting..i came back to nig last year..so i should remember how everything is right? wrong!! It's funny how your memory can play tricks on you and you remember all the good bits..hpw u meet hot guys..and how NEPA taking light is a time to bond..and how traffic is really just the same as London..and how you always have money..infact..total rubbish!!

First of all..the ATM's in the airport kindly told me that solo cards werent the way to go..so i arrived in Nig with 20 quid. Ok now? no biggie..money will flow shey? Get home..theres light..ah ah..i said it! nig is bunz..ok..buy sim card..hmm..aunty puts credit inside..this is what i'm talking about..ok..friends call..they come over..'WE MISSED YOU..YOURE LOOKING TOO MAD...etc..ehn..mad!

Time to go out..and this is where it all starts to go wrong. Palms- nandos- they give you TWELVE chips!! no joke..12!! fair enough..ermm..lets go to shoprite..berry chill here nau..ur just coming from sainsburys..what are you going to shoprite for?? ok..i chilled. Sha at night at the end of everything..we are coming back from my grandmas hse..people are running! hausa men that swear by jazz are running!! ehn..my mum starts to reverse..she's too confused.open car door..'oya everybody RUN'...lol..we fly out of the car..everyone starts running!! no one even holds my little cousins hand..every man for himself..we're running..my brother is like 'see temi' (my childhood friend-the babe too was running)..me i'm like 'this guy forget Temi..just RUN"...kai..im unfit sha..my chest almost collapsed after that run!

We came home-no light. Great! yesterday was in traffic for FOUR hrs!! I now sleep at 9 o clock because the days are so tiring!! I always feel grimy and dirty! my 'cleanse, tone, mosturise' routine has now become..'cleanse, tone'..because trust me..mosturiser aint making it to my skin!!

Anyway when all is said and done..gorra love nigeria..watch out for more details..btw..i think all the hot boys have dried up..but thats a whole other post..buttercup.i havent forgotten you o!!

xx

Untitled- The beginning to no end

I always thought a girl hitting on me would be the ultimate compliment. Now, standing in the bathroom and rebuffing the advances of a particularly mannish girl, i wasnt so sure. At first i thought i must be imagining it. The apprieciative once over (more like three times over)..i put it down as a girl checking out my outfit. No big deal. Now she was standing next to me whispering suggestive things in my ear. The bathroom is too small to move. I'm trying to ignore her. I can't leave. I can't leave because he's out there. I sigh. My throat hurts and i want to cry. I don't have enough strength to stop breathing in my ear, so i whisper a silent prayer that she leaves.

Sule. the name slipped into my mind and continued to repeat itself. Sule, Sule, Sule. I shook my head. Mannish girl took that as her cue to leave. i sighed a breath of relief. Sule. I remembered when i hated his name. The first time we were introduced, i sneered. It was one of those names i turned my nose down at, ranking with 'Shakirat'. I was cocooned in my British education, I loved to apprieciate all things Nigerian from a distance. He looked at me with disdain and i felt like he could see right through me. He made me feel ashamed. That day i knew that he would have me. He knew that after one glance, he controlled 'next'. I start to cry and i feel relief.

I cant go back out because he's here with his new girlfriend. He hasnt seen me. I know i look good. I havent risked going out once without looking my best since the incident. But im alone. I cant stand him pitying me. I dont know what to do. I reapply my lipstick and walk out of the bathroom.

A healthy suggestion to boys and girls!

So this is what after exam life is like-over rated! I'm lying here..reading blogs..and waiting for some final year people to check their results, so i can laugh with them..or be their shoulder to cry on!lol..everybody is dulling a little bit..with tin tin analyzing babes..*rolls eyes* and talking about brideprice...soupasexy is closing down her blog..Chari is a writer o! ah ah..the cheesy boy is writing casanove stories..nigerian drama queen..not updating..my dear minky is telling us to find the right guy!! Infact this after exam stuvs is long mehn..i can't wait to go to nig.

Me.lol..it's bad to delete numbers o. Yesterday someone whose number i only just deleted called me..I was in a happy mood!

me- hey hey
he-how r u doing..wats going on..blabla
me-im gud, chilling..etc
he-where r u
me- (thinking err..y is a stranger asking)..um..i actually dont know who this is
he-really
me-um..yeah
he-so did you just change your fone or did u delete my number
me-hmm..u dont sound like someone whose number i deleted
he-rite..anyway it's..
me-(at this point it clocked)
he-______
me-omg! err..yeah..it doesnt mean anything that i deleted it..i just thot i shouldnt talk to you for a while..etc
he-ok (laughing in that bad mind way)
me-im sorry..u know i still love u (blablablabull)
he-(laughs)
me-as long as u understand y i did it
he-i dont understand at all

gosh..basically..i had no good reason for deleting that number..it was just one of those days when i was just irritated..lol

Imagine if everyone stopped posting about guys. how they are tired of guys and how much smarter they are. And guys stopped posting about girls-how were all stupid and like make up sex..then how many blogs will really be left...

The truth is no matter how smart we think we are..we are only as smart as till we fall..then were screwed! so everyone can play as many mind games as they want..when you fall..thats it..i know people that are so sprung..but in front of their friends..they just appear 'cooly noncommitmal'..yeah right..please people always lie!!! I know people that forgive their boyfriend for cheating..they even beg him to come back..then they start acting like..'im too smart..i play with guys heads..i dont take crap'...im bored!!

heres a suggestion...boys and girls..stop talking so much..just be! Yes tintin..ur so smart..girls are stupid..yes vindi..u play on guys minds..etc..yes cocoa..ur not settling down, ur along for the ride..i enjoy the stories o..and i dont dispute the facts..but really!!! everyone knows what they feel..their just afraid to say it!

Chari..i love you!!

xx